Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
