the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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