Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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