That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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