Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
