uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
