There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
