The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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