If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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