i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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