I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
