You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
