Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
