We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
