what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
