Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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