i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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