Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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