Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
