i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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