what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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