Don't you send me to vm
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
