Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
