put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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