quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone came in the potted fern
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
