yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
