Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
