we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
