I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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