I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
