you would pick up someone in the library
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
