my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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