Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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