Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
