i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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