Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
