I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
