wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
