i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
