Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
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Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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