Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
