Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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