I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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