she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
