Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
