While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
