We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.