he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.