I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.