dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness