You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon