I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
