there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
