Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
