When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
