We're like a lot better than the average bears
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
