hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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