we made out on top of his cat.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
