Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Couch. On fire.
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