Umm I'm too high to move.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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