i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
