No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
