Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
