We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
