Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
