Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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