I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
