You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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