I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
