People in love make me want to vomit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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