i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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