seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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